Happy Veterans Day with love, to my Favorite Veteran, Buss Snodgrass!Our visit home this weekend was both to see Mom and to visit Dad's grave at Floral Hills. I was thinking about him a lot lately, so it was good to take time to drive to Quiet Dell and place some flowers on his grave. Ed helped me figure out the vase that is part of their headstone thingy. This visit isn't getting much easier. I thought it would in time, but I guess not enough time has gone by.
Of course its hard to lose my Dad. I haven't made it through that yet, and I'm losing Mom too. This weekend she told me she wanted me to get to see Delia. After a little while, she said, "You've
never seen Delia, have you?" That was tough for me. She doesn't really know me anymore. Oh, I know, she knows my name. Fortunately, Delia soon appeared, making both me and Grandma happy. My next trip to WV, I'll get to see Zoey also, so that will be good too.
I think about Mom all the time, she is in my prayers and thoughts. I try to think of things I might be able to do to make her more comfortable, but there is so little to be done. I talk to her, but she doesn't seem to connect much. Her eyes look cloudy, distant; her voice, frequently garbled with the water she cannot swallow. I think her daily life must be nightmarish. Once in the last couple of months, she grabbed my wrist, and said, "Barbara, you have no idea. Day and and day out in this bed." She sometimes seems to be in pain, but it seems to be non-specific. I pray for her to find peace. I love my Mom so much.
I know people deal with this sort of thing all the time. I know people who have lived through it. Lots of people, really. It is the normal part of life to lose one's parents. I think I helped Ed work through his grief when it was his turn, I helped friends and listened to co-workers over the years. I still had no clue how painful this is.
I think we're all having a really tough time dealing with our issues.
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